The Countdown Continues - Forgiveness!

Today's liturgy of the word was about God's forgiveness! Forgiveness! Let me put it out straight, whenever I hear the topic of forgiveness, the first thought that comes to my mind is My Father and the next one is I want to hurt my father! I want him to feel the pain I've felt all this while, for not being there for me, but even more for all the promises he's made and never come through! From the birthday gifts promises, to the coming to meet me promises (He did say he'll come to meet me in India too)! Yes, you're all friends of mine, and you probably know about all this! I've termed my relationship with my father as the "Relationship of Broken Promises". There's always a tendency in me to want to say something that'll just break his heart and hurt him! I at least told him once to stop making promises to me, that did help, there's less, actually no promises now! But still, he acts like all is well, and wants to always seem right! He always wants his solutions to be right! He once came to meet mum and I and after so many years, he wanted to just lift us off our feet and go live with him, that too after not asking for forgiveness! (Was he mad?) It is hard to trust and understand his motives sometimes!

He, however, I believe has had some enlightenment! He seems to be more Christian nowadays (I don't know to what extent he was initially)! He speaks wisely, and writes lengthly about various spiritual stuff! (even on facebook)! He's even doing well in his company, something he started (he wants me to work there)! But he has failed terribly to bridge the gap we have (Am I blaming him too much?)! Something that could be done by a simple "I'm sorry" or "Forgive me"! Not a complicated process that he envisions! I'm most sad however, that my grandfather, who totally hates my dad, may go to his grave without forgiving him!

It's not that I don't want to forgive him, I've spoken a lot to my friends and even once to a priest, and even emailed him I believe! They all seem to tell me to forgive him, and thought I've tried, and actually told myself a couple of times that I've forgiven him! I've never really done! The priest however, a very close friend of mine, Fr. Selvam, a salesian, told me to take my time! He told me to reflect and take some time to forgive him, because forgiveness is a process! I've taken his advice dearly! I just hope that I'm not taking such a long time!!!!

My apologies if this post is very grim and sad! I've actually come to get used to this! I actually laugh about all this and my favorite song to reflect this has always been (You may wanna check it out, it's funny:)

JUST OUT OF CURIOSITY, HOW DO I STOP BITING MY NAILS?????

DADDY WASN'T THERE!